JOKE

1.The first day of school was going good for the new teacher and in an attempt to "break the ice" with the little second graders, she began to ask each student what their fathers did for a living."Mary, what does your father do?" asked the teacher.Mary replied, "My dad is a mailman"."That's great Mary. Every town needs a mailman to deliver the mail," said the teacher."Nancy, what does your father do? asked the teacher again."Oh, he is a mechanic", replied Nancy."That is really great Nancy we need mechanics like your father to keep our cars running," said the teacher.Looking in the back of the room she spotted a rather sad looking Johnny. "And, Johnny, what does your daddy do?" asked the teacher."W-well, my daddy died last summer", said Johnny in a broken voice.The teacher really felt bad and wondered how she could get herself out of this one. "Well, I'm ah, really, um, am sorry to hear about your daddy Johnny," stammered the teacher. "What did your daddy do before he died?" she asked.Johnny calmly replied, "Well, he turned blue, then he shit in his pants."

2.A successful scientist was on his way to a seminar where he was supposed to give a lecture on his new breakthrough in research. His chauffeur saw his tired look and felt sorry for him."Sir, why don't you take the day off today", he said, "I've heard your lecture so many times by now I know it by heart. I can give the lecture and you can just sit back and relax."The scientist thought this was a great idea, since he was sick and tired of giving the exact same lecture over and over again.When they arrived at the seminar the scientist put on the chauffeur's hat and seated himself in the back of the lecture hall. His trusted chauffeur walked to the podium and gave an excellent lecture showing at least as much confidence as the scientist would.At the end of the lecture the chauffeur asked, just as his master always does, "Are there any questions?"One of the professors in the hall stood up and asked a long question about a very complicated and highly theoretical matter. The chauffeur was panicking silently but finally managed to pull himself together."That, professor, is a very simple question," he answered, "in fact, it is so simple even my chauffeur can answer it."